Taxes

I found filling out my taxes to be decidedly more difficult this year than last year. Today my stress paid off and my tax return was deposited to my bank account.

There's now more money in my account than there has been in almost a year. It was strange to see that much money. But even stranger because it didn't feel like the windfall I was expecting it to feel like; it's still less money than one paycheck from my old job.

Part of the reason I'm not continuing with AmeriCorps is my need to become more financially stable. See: "Study finds median wealth for single black women at $5" for the source of some of my concern. I have negative wealth right now, thanks to credit card and student loan debt. Earning money is the only way I'm going to reverse my current financial state, especially I look to return to school.

What is difficult is trying to accept that I'm entering a job market which is at a different place than it was my first time around. It's only been a few years! A lot happens in a few years. Gaining experience is my new number one priority, which means I may continue to live at near-poverty (1st World level poverty) until I finish my Masters degree and will hopefully be qualified for more well-paying jobs. I say that after a year of doing AmeriCorps, I am well prepared for living on a tight budget...I hope this is true. I hope a part of myself wasn't waiting to exhale, waiting to go and start spending money more freely again.

The times are a changin' and it may mean tightening my belt just little bit more...and not getting too comfortable with my bank balance.

If money fell like snow

It is finally snowing.

There is a short somewhere in my car which causes it to drain my battery when I do not drive it for days. I have a brand new battery purchased right after I got back from a trip home for Thanksgiving. I spent a few days in Cleveland for New Years and got back to my car once again not starting. I jump started it all by myself (a fact of which I am very proud) and it has been riding ever since (though I haven't tried to start it today) but I do need to take it to a shop at some point in the nearish future. I'm trying to hold out until February.

My electric bill for this month is twice what it was last month.

My new car insurance rate is $15 higher per month than it was the last 6 months. That's like taking half a tank of gas out of my car every month.

Today is rebudgeting day as I have exciting plans for some of my money and I have to find a way to make it work.

The Stars

I feel as if I am on the verge of something, on the verge of knowing if I can have a life here. I almost have friends I almost have a routine I almost have a sense of familiarity. Roads, landmarks, directions are becoming increasingly familiar. The woman at the gas station, the guys at the library, the manager at the Family Dollar.

Tonight I saw the stars.

Money is still hard. I get food stamp benefits and that is hard. Knowing that so many of the people I know disapprove of government financial assistance. I say to myself, "My situation is different because I'm helping people and it's only temporary and your tax money already pays my living allowance and I paid lots of taxes for years myself." But really, my work is no better than that of the single mom working at McDonalds and getting EBT. She helps you get that Big Mac. She helps stimulate the economy. You make sure her kids get enough nutrition. We all have different ideas of the best way to help people, of the best way for people to lift themselves up by their bootstraps. If they can only get so high, why should they live less of a life than anyone else? Too little space to give this line of thought the full teasing out it deserves. It's never as simple as it should be.

The hardest part is that I get enough money that I could keep going to Kroger, with its decent prices and good quality products. But when I can, I instead go to Family Dollar and Save-a-Lot and Dollar General and Dollar Tree, where no one looks at me sidewise when I use my EBT card, the American flag waving bravely on it, reminding me of how priveleged I am to live in this country, to be supported by this thoughtful democratic society where we all have the right to the American dream. Stars and stripes.

My headlight went out again and tomorrow I will buy another and try to do a better job of making sure it doesn't fall out of place and burn more wires and blow itself out. I like getting grease on my hands and solving these problems I am not at all qualified to deal with. People are embarrassed of my car for me but I love it. It's mine.

Cost of Living Comparison: compare New York, New York to Cincinnati, Ohio

When I told people I would be moving to do AmeriCorps, one of the things that would invariably come up was finances. I would of course tell people that part of being a VISTA is receiving a living allowance that was just barely above the poverty level, and that I wouldn't be allowed any other form of income. (Obviously financial gifts from family and friends is acceptable as is government assistance.) If I didn't mention the word "poverty" and just said that I wouldn't be making much money, no one ever failed to say, "Yeah, but the cost of living has to be a lot cheaper than NYC, amIright?" Yes, yes, you are right. However, my current gross income is approximately 28% of my gross income in New York. The good thing is that housing really is cheap here. I am able to live in a small, but comfortable, studio apartment. There are larger one bedroom apartments (with 4 to 5 rooms total) for a comparable price, but with fewer amenities. Below is a link to a comparison calculator to show how much money I would have to make here to compare to my life in New York...and to show the difference in the cost of housing.

Cost of Living Comparison: compare New York, New York to Cincinnati, Ohio

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